Friday, December 5, 2008

Pets in Relation to Money




In the past I have heard many stories about trips to the vet which were more expensive than the original pet. I know many will object to this, but that just doesn't seem logical. I can understand to a degree, based on the emotionally attachment to the animal, but spending more than three or four times the cost of the creature seems odd. In fact, there are times when it becomes more economical not even to feed pets. Thats right, to simply let it starve before buying a new one costs less money than the food, vaccinations, toys, recreational facilities, spas, wardrobe, etc. While this opinion may seem cruel, I admit I would sooner pay money to keep my current guitar instead of buying a new one.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Why I Am Homeschooled





If I had to sum up why I am homeschooled in a simple phrase it would be something like this: Because homeschooling is creamy, rich and has a good aftertaste. Quite likely, you're feeling like I've left you hanging. Such a simple explanation could only be snide. My education is being brewed in a way that's unconventional; actually it is only so when one bears in mind exclusively the last 150 years, but not if one considers the history of the world .
The lush, foamy texture of my erudition comes from the freedom of a flexible schedule and the beffitting structure of assignments. When those who are not of my educational background inquire as to this subject, I often see them quiver with effort to refrain from lashing out in open jealousy.
The flavor of my schooling is brought about by high quality ingredients. Being enrolled in a thing as bureaucratic as public school is like a musical career using an instrument produced with countless others on a highly regulated conveyor belt; and no, don't tell me that it works fine. In public school, political correctness is an anti-integration hinderence, and frankly, I see no reason to be without whatever weapons I see fit during study.
Finally, the taste that lingers after indulgence is far more saturating in the world of socialization than in oral consumption, and for it to be pleasing, is the the most intricate of luxuries. To be encompassed with company of good nature and active spirits (as often occurs with one who is homeschooled) is much more satisfying than to not.
I hope you have found this information useful, and I beg you to ask yourself again wether or not any arguments you may have are indeed relevant, given the information herein. Also I might add that Ralph Wiggum is in fact public schooled, and the picture was uploaded with the utmost sarcasm.

Monday, July 14, 2008

A Fancy Darth Vader suit


Recently I became aware of the ultimate authentic edition Darth Vader costume. When I saw how real it looked that was the beginning of a long chain of events that would eventually lead to me having my own authentic supreme edition studio mold cast Darth Vader outfit. After a long and gruelling month on Ebay and various internet sites, I finally acquired one for $650 including shipping. The suit retails for around $750 and I think it lost about $150 of value once I opened the box. To further analyze and document my insanity I have compiled this list:


Things I could have bought with the money:


*Craftsman 6.75 Torque Rating 21 in. 3-n-1 Deck Rear Bag Push Lawn Mower with High Wheels- 2 1/2 units.

*Smokey Mountain Knife Works Battleaxe with studded wooden handle-30 units.

*Airheads Bars-6000 units.

* Jolly Ranchers-7680 units.

*Plastic sword or bat-600 units.

*Squier Stratocaster Electric guitar-6 units

*Doritos Large size bag-240 units

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Bogus marketing.





Last week I rushed into the house to cook my recently aquirred Totino's pizza. Like an ancient hunter returing home to his wife after a prime catch I threw it in the oven and fetched a plate. It finished cooking before long although it seemed like hours to me at the time. I began eating my Totino with nearly frenzied zeal and even though it burned my throat, the overall stimuli detection was quite positive due to the taste, so I kept eating. I noticed the box sitting on the table and so I flipped it around and began reading the back. I was delighted with a lovely article about the Totino family and how they started a pizza business from near scratch and were overwhelmed with demand for their phenominal homeade recipe. This wonderful family created a pizza empire and now that very recipe was in front of me. "Totino's takes the same pride in delivering quality product to you today that Rose and Jim took with their pizzas over 50 years ago" it read. Touching right? I certainly thought so. Taking another bite I glanced over to the ingredients list.

ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, FERROUS SULFATE, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID), WATER, MOZZARELLA CHEESE SUBSTITUTE, (WATER, PARTIALLY HYDRONATED SOYBEAN OIL, RENNET CASEIN, POTATO STARCH, VITAL WHEAT GLUTEN, SODIUM ALUMINUM PHOSPHATE, SALT, POTASSIUM CHLORIDE, CITRIC ACID, POTASSIUM SORBATE, [PRESERVATIVE], SODIUM PHOSPHATE, SODIUM CITRATE, TITANIUM DIOXIDE [ARTIFICIAL COLOR], MALTODEXTRINE, MAGNESIUM OXIDE, ZINC OXIDE, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, RIBOFLAVIN VITAMIN B 12) TOMATO PUREE (WATER, TOMATO PASTE), COOKED SAUSAGE PIZZA TOPPING (SAUSAGE MADE WITH PORK AND CHICKEN [PORK MECHANICALLY SEPERATED CHICKEN, SALT, SPICE, NATURAL FLAVOR] TEXTURED VEGETABLE PROTEIN [SOY FLOUR, CARAMEL COLOR], WATER SODIUM PHOSPHATE, PARTIALLY HYDRONATED SOYBEAN OIL), PARTIALLY HYDRONATED SOYBEAN OIL, CANADIAN STYLE BACON WITH WATER ADDED CHUNKED AND AND FORMED INLCUDES SIRLOIN HIPS, (CURED WITH WATER, SALT, SUGAR, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, NATURAL SMOKE FLAVOR, SODIUM ERYTHORBATE, SODIUM NITRATE ), PEPPERONI PIZZZA TOPPING (PEPPERONI MADE WITH PORK CHICKEN AND BEEF [PORK, MECHANICALLY SEPERATED CHICKEN, BEEF, SALT, SPICE DEXTROSE, OLEORESIM OF PAPRIKA, SODIUM ASCORBATE, GARLIC POWDER, SOUDIUM NITRATE, LACTIC ACID STARTER CULTURE, BHA AND BHT, AND CITRIC ACID ADDED TO PROTECT FLAVOR], WATER, SOY PROTEIN ISLOATE), REHYDRATED PASTURIZED PROCESS NONFAT MOZZARELLA CHEESE, (WATER, NONFAT MILK, CHEESE CULTURES, SALT, ENZYMES, CITRIC ACID, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, VITAMIN B6, SODIUM ALUMINUM PHOSPHATE, SODIUM CITRATE, SODIUM PHOSPHATE), SUGAR, MODIFIED CORN STARCH, SALT, DRY YEAST, DEFATTED SOY FLOUR, DEXTROSE, SPICE, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE, SODIUM BICARBONATE, REHYDRATED ENZYME MODIFED CHEESE (WATER, MILK, CHEESE CULTURES, SALT, ENZYMES), BEET POWDER, MALTODEXTRIN, XANTHAN GUM, CITRIC ACID, MALIC ACID, NATURAL FLAVOR, SORBITAN MONOSTEERATE, ASCORBIC ACID.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Lagrima y Costel




Let me start out by saying that the veiws expressed here are not meant to be racist in any way and I know that tradidtional Mexican culture is way more classy than Lagrim y Costel.


With that being said let's begin. Legrima y Costel is a TV show on channel 24. The show features two clowns named Legrima and Costel. Basically this show is the biggest cross-dressing pie smashing trash fest on earth. If I had to describe the show in one sentence it would be Spanish Jerry Springer. A few examples of the activities on the show are: putting tape on a blindfolded person's face and inviting a guest to play the guitar while being shoved. I don't know enough spanish to tell what they're saying but i'm sure it's something like: "haha! Costel see? Delightful! Your mask fell off on that last piggy-back ride! Yes Lagrima now let's start the next entertainment! No Costel they dropped out at the last minute remember? Ok, then three lucky members of the audience will now chase ballons while we hit you with foam weapons." The entire show looks literally like it was produced by a bunch of three-year-olds with cameras and bad taste.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Childish Games


When I was young my friend cruelly took advantage of me by fabricating myths that we both had "Radars" in our heads. Actually, I dont blame him and the experience was fun. If I did what he said his Radar would make mine grow, thus increasing my power. However, if I refused he would shoot missiles at my radar. I must have truly believed in the whole phenomenon for some time and it was a pretty cool idea, except I had trouble coming up with the cause for which I was giving up my yogurt every time we got school breakfast. My powers once even progressed to the point were I CREATED A CAR which then drove out of a nearby cul-de-sac and into my line of sight. One day my dad asked me what I talked about with my friend. I let him know about the basics of Radars but some gut insinct caused me not to tell him about my friend's dominant Radar. When I told my friend about the incident he seemed worried and asked what I had said. I assured him that I didn't leak any bad imformation and asked what I could do to serve the cause.

These kinds of games are all around us in children. My brother recently told me about a game that the deacons play. It went something like this: "This is the most advanced custom my deacon friends have ever thought of! First you see who can survive the longest while engaging in a hand-to-hand pressure point lock while at the same time trying to hit the other person's funny bone and complete the victoy by containing their arm in three of you fingers until they give up." Apperantly this works best in church meetings when they pretend to listen and try not to yell, which looks pretty weird.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

The Age of Exploration

I have done much study on this topic and will now relay to you the trends of middle-age exploration. The age of exploration was a time ranging from around 1400 to 1800 A.D. That’s probably not exactly what it says in text books, but I guarantee some exploring happened during that time. What was happening is this: A bunch of crazy tyrants were in need of new land and riches, and so they all were competing by sending brave explorers to the new world, who would either starve, freeze, be killed by natives, or find riches and land. Then, the explorer would claim the land to be his own, and sell off the natives to be slaves. Then, when was really famous, and deemed a hero, he would be either executed in a new colony, or shipped back to his home country and burned. There are many ways this might have come about. The first is this: someone would get jealous and tell the governor that the explorer was a heretic. Or, his neighbors would take out his intestines for whatever reason. The King or Queen would then take control of the new world, bring disease, kill everyone, and grab a bunch of gold. Then, they would be killed by more natives, then more people would arrive the cycle would restart until it burned out. Then, more natives would jump out of the bushes and eat those peoples' heads.
They would hear of a great native city which was even more rich and majestic then any other yet by some idiot sailor who's grandpa made it up. So another explorer would set out with an army and within a few months or less, all of his men would be killed by natives, fall into big pits full of snakes or tigers, drowned in quicksand, eaten by wild beasts, starved or diseased. Thus we see that the exiting time of exploration for people to go out and find beautiful new places to live, full of resources, and the natives who were desperate for new friends and toys, isn't really too good because everyone ends up dead in a fairly unpleasant manner, and possibly with his face bashed in or eaten. Obviously some exploring had to be done though, and I'm glad it happened for without a nation of freedom being born we would not now have Metal/

Friday, February 8, 2008

Church Pet Peeves (Lds church)


There are several behaviors constantly found in church that I will adress here. Im sure you've noticed these at least subliminally, but I think it's time for me to set in stone what is indeed not ok to say in church. It's difficult not to step over the line of sacrilage, but i'm sure you'll understand what I mean.

Firstly testimony meeting. This is a time to share a BREIF BUT HEARTFELT testimony. This is not a time to recite your travel log of the past month nor is it story time. I also recommend that you dont yell (at least very loud) or condemn stereotypes that are sitting in the congregation. Your testimony needn't be dripping with sophistry, but it's best not to hit the microphone or put your mouth on it while mumbling loudly and yes, I have experienced all of these.

Prayers. When you pray, no matter how hard it is, just try to finish all your words and refrain from saying things like "please bless that everyone could be here."
"Nourish and strengthen our bodies." You knew it was coming; this phrase lives on and is dreaded by vain repetition opposers all over Utah. Never say this around me! If the food is brownies or a similiar item then "we ackowledge that this meal will make us fat, but be that as it may, please bless us to savour the good taste of this desert" is much more appropriate.

Our final realm is that of talks. I have compiled all the pre-talk excuses into one to save time. There is a comon misconception that a temporary +3 bonus will be added to one's charisma level if one says something such as " well five minutes ago I woke up and remembered that bishop assigned me his talk so I prepared it in the shower. You see two weeks ago when I first recieved the assignment I tried to kill myself but that didn't work and he didn't believe that I would be out of town on that date so bear with me." But in fact this causes many people in the congregation to cringe. I have some advice for any youth speakers: PLEASE donot even attempt to make jokes.



QUIZ


1. Is it ok to discuss with your ward upcoming family anniversaries?



2.Is it a good idea to explain you childrens' social status?



3. In The Little Mermaid what did flounder initialy see in the shipreck that freaked him out? I don't get it.



4.Is it ok to say a prayer in public less than five seconds long?



5.How about touching the Grinch with a '40 pole?