Chunky or Creamy?

For a long time now, the heated Peanut Butter Crusade has been going on, and today I'll be taking a logical approach to find which one is better. Firstly, creamy has a smooth, uniform texture which is why people favor it over crunchy, however this makes it 100% made up of the synthetic, processed "Butter" portion. Creamy lacks any actual "Peanuts" while Crunchy harbors the Butter portion along with real peanuts. Next is a contest of Authenticity. Peanut butter can be compared to other food in general in that it is considered more genuine when in a solid state. Creamy peanut butter closely resembles astronaut carrot paste while Crunchy is the equivalent of steak and potatoes. People often forget the very fundamental principle of Food Abstracta, being that the virtue of an abstract food is relative to how close it is to the original food base. Thus we see that while the best name a manufacturer can think of for a food is "Fruit Drink Product" or "Creamy Peanut Butter" the food is obviously synthetic and therefore in a crude and unhealthy state. If a food can boast a name such as "Crunchy peanut butter", or "Fresh Organic Vegetables" then it is at or near the original state of the original food and is therefore more genuine. Any one who thinks their theory can best mine, go ahead and step up, but don't forget your notes and references.

MP3 Etiquette

Lately I have been seeing some horrific things regarding MP3 etiquette, but since you have likely never been taught these principles, I will go over it now. There is a common misconception among teens that people who listen to MP3 players in public, or on social occasions are called cool. In reality, these people are called "MP3 monster baby losers". I find it absurd that some people think this is acceptable during events such as family reunions, church meetings, or at school. There are two categories of this offense, the first being less serious and in fact optional includes listening on occasions such as while walking between classes at school. This may not be directly offensive, but it is always totally unnecessary and wasteful. The second and greater offense is, of course listening during talks, lectures, or at social events where there are other human beings to interact with. I have often been accused of being reclusive and shy due to my homeschooling, but then I turn around and see "normal" people listening to MP3s around other people! There are times when this is acceptable however, such as at the gym, or when specifically showing a friend a song.

Another disturbing trend is listening to music at excessively high volume levels or without adequate sound insulation. You may enjoy listening to your music loud, but other people don't want to hear it. In fact, unless their musical preferences are similar, or yours are perfect, they might well find it annoying or offensive.

I will conclude by saying that I have often been accused of listening to radical music, but you will never see me forcing it on other people through mindless, selfish tune mongering. Furthermore, you will never find me in a million years ignoring other people or defiling the MP3 by listening at inappropriate times.