Monday, July 27, 2009

Obnixious Jokes

I have ranted about this before so those who know me well may have heard this already. One of the most horrible things in society is when one makes a joke, loudly laughs at own joke, and takes said joke several steps further in concept without the consent of the listener. I'm sure you have heard this happen before but you may not be sure exactly what I mean. Here are a few examples of what it may sound like:

Farceur: And the starfish said ' How about you just have some crumpets!'
Listener: oh, nice ha.
Farcuer: BLawhahahahshegghzehehe.
Listener:hm hmm heh.
Farceur: No It's like ' some crumpets elk grass!'
Listener: heh
Farceur: hahahahhehe. Haha. Heh. and then he carjacks an elephant!
Listener: Nah.
Comic: Because there was a rooster on the other side!
Listener: haha.
Comic: hahahahahah, And then he jumped in a volcano!
Listener: (hesitantly) Eh, heh.
Comic: And it ate a nuclear bomb!
Listener: Uh, nope not at all, stop right there.
Wisecracker: And then he jumped out of the bushes and said ' Wheres my Rolex!?'
Listener: yeah heh.
Wisecracker hah, no, how about: haha, I don't heh, maybe one lawyer said to, heh the other...
Listener: Bye.

Price Cuts

I have noticed that almost every product I ever see in a store has an apparently reduced price. Another thing I've observed is that the original price was so high that I doubt it was ever sold for that much. I assume that most of the time the discount prices are the actual value of the product. It usually looks something like this:
Jeans
Original Price: 34.99
You Pay: 29.99

CD
Suggested Retail Price: 14.99
Your Price:12.99

But retailers are overlooking one major asset; They fail to recognize the full potential of this technique, but instead make very small discounts on the price tags. If I were to run a business I think I might just take this idea a step further and to every item in the store do something like this:

Shades
Original Price: $8.99
Your Price $1.99

Bag of Chips
Suggested Price: $12.99
You Pay: $1.99

Couch
Original Price: $3999.99
Only $499.99
This would not only make customers feel like they were getting a great deal, it would also allow me to charge more money on the final price while still keeping it much lower than the original price.