Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Bogus marketing.





Last week I rushed into the house to cook my recently aquirred Totino's pizza. Like an ancient hunter returing home to his wife after a prime catch I threw it in the oven and fetched a plate. It finished cooking before long although it seemed like hours to me at the time. I began eating my Totino with nearly frenzied zeal and even though it burned my throat, the overall stimuli detection was quite positive due to the taste, so I kept eating. I noticed the box sitting on the table and so I flipped it around and began reading the back. I was delighted with a lovely article about the Totino family and how they started a pizza business from near scratch and were overwhelmed with demand for their phenominal homeade recipe. This wonderful family created a pizza empire and now that very recipe was in front of me. "Totino's takes the same pride in delivering quality product to you today that Rose and Jim took with their pizzas over 50 years ago" it read. Touching right? I certainly thought so. Taking another bite I glanced over to the ingredients list.

ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, FERROUS SULFATE, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID), WATER, MOZZARELLA CHEESE SUBSTITUTE, (WATER, PARTIALLY HYDRONATED SOYBEAN OIL, RENNET CASEIN, POTATO STARCH, VITAL WHEAT GLUTEN, SODIUM ALUMINUM PHOSPHATE, SALT, POTASSIUM CHLORIDE, CITRIC ACID, POTASSIUM SORBATE, [PRESERVATIVE], SODIUM PHOSPHATE, SODIUM CITRATE, TITANIUM DIOXIDE [ARTIFICIAL COLOR], MALTODEXTRINE, MAGNESIUM OXIDE, ZINC OXIDE, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, RIBOFLAVIN VITAMIN B 12) TOMATO PUREE (WATER, TOMATO PASTE), COOKED SAUSAGE PIZZA TOPPING (SAUSAGE MADE WITH PORK AND CHICKEN [PORK MECHANICALLY SEPERATED CHICKEN, SALT, SPICE, NATURAL FLAVOR] TEXTURED VEGETABLE PROTEIN [SOY FLOUR, CARAMEL COLOR], WATER SODIUM PHOSPHATE, PARTIALLY HYDRONATED SOYBEAN OIL), PARTIALLY HYDRONATED SOYBEAN OIL, CANADIAN STYLE BACON WITH WATER ADDED CHUNKED AND AND FORMED INLCUDES SIRLOIN HIPS, (CURED WITH WATER, SALT, SUGAR, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, NATURAL SMOKE FLAVOR, SODIUM ERYTHORBATE, SODIUM NITRATE ), PEPPERONI PIZZZA TOPPING (PEPPERONI MADE WITH PORK CHICKEN AND BEEF [PORK, MECHANICALLY SEPERATED CHICKEN, BEEF, SALT, SPICE DEXTROSE, OLEORESIM OF PAPRIKA, SODIUM ASCORBATE, GARLIC POWDER, SOUDIUM NITRATE, LACTIC ACID STARTER CULTURE, BHA AND BHT, AND CITRIC ACID ADDED TO PROTECT FLAVOR], WATER, SOY PROTEIN ISLOATE), REHYDRATED PASTURIZED PROCESS NONFAT MOZZARELLA CHEESE, (WATER, NONFAT MILK, CHEESE CULTURES, SALT, ENZYMES, CITRIC ACID, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, VITAMIN B6, SODIUM ALUMINUM PHOSPHATE, SODIUM CITRATE, SODIUM PHOSPHATE), SUGAR, MODIFIED CORN STARCH, SALT, DRY YEAST, DEFATTED SOY FLOUR, DEXTROSE, SPICE, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE, SODIUM BICARBONATE, REHYDRATED ENZYME MODIFED CHEESE (WATER, MILK, CHEESE CULTURES, SALT, ENZYMES), BEET POWDER, MALTODEXTRIN, XANTHAN GUM, CITRIC ACID, MALIC ACID, NATURAL FLAVOR, SORBITAN MONOSTEERATE, ASCORBIC ACID.

5 comments:

intern said...

All of my family's best recipes are made with rehydrated enzyme modified cheese. Or modifed (depending on who is writing the recipe)

Gargoyle Express said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gargoyle Express said...

I thought Magnesium Oxide was some kind of futurist weapon.

Intern said...

old and moldy.

carmen said...

Those pizzas will always be worth it no matter how many more ingredients they have!

Very Funny!